Matrescence - A new identity

Did your identity change when you became a mum? I don’t think it happens immediately. For me it didn’t at least. I thought the birth was the hardest part (well, that and actually getting pregnant). Society had told me they would be a recovery period. I already knew it would be more like nine months than six weeks, but as the weeks and months continued and the responsibility of looking after a small person didn’t go away, I realised life would never be the same. There’s a word for becoming a mother - matrescence: the physical, emotional, hormonal and social transition to becoming a mother.

Now I can’t just leave plan my life according to what I want to spend my time doing. I have other’s to think of. Plus the logistics. THE LOGISTICS of childcare! I know that freedom will come again, but it took me a minute to surrender to this new way of being. Were you more prepared than me? Maybe you accepted more help?

This rebirth as a mother was a slow process for me and I guess because my mind was taking a moment to catch up with my new identity, my body decided to show me in force. My thyroid went AWOL. I developed a giant goiter and then my eyelids drooped on one side. Now every time I look in the mirror I see a changed face I see a scar on the neck.

I have a physical reminders every day that I am not the same person before I had children. It has been a challenging bodily change for me. But in a couple of weeks I will have corrective eyelid surgery. I hope to look a little like my former self. Not for cosmetic reasons (though I can’t wait to wear eyeliner again and to be able to teach wearing contact lenses) but so that I can see the me in “me” again. To see all that I have become and to acknowledge all that I have been through.

After my thyroid surgery back in 2020. So happy to be able to lie down comfortably again.